This Thing Called Life by Ki O’Shea

I’m an Aggie with a NSU sweatshirt on today. I grew up saying “behold the green and gold!l As a matter of fact, their band is why I choose to play the saxophone. I’ll tell that story another time.

My dad has on his NSU T-shirt of my high school big sister from band who went to Howard son’s football number. I said that all wrong but hopefully it’s understood. My dad is still holding on..

The nurse and the aid both said in their 20 plus years they have never seen anything like it. But, he told me he was strong. I woke up the same way I do; pestering him. I was pretty tired this morning though but I dug down deep to talk. I remember one morning I was like this a few months ago and he said “you tired.” I nodded. I went in and asked “how are you doing” but of course there was no response. I feel like he acknowledged me wiping his face down. I have done it daily and gave him a facial two days in a row. Maybe he is holding on because he is being spoiled…

Sedi climbed the stairs earlier this morning and her tv show is still playing in his room. Yall, her poop is always so horrible, but she pooped and I had to apologize to him for changing it in his room. I ran it to the outside garbage as always and came back and told him his granddaughter has a stinky booty…

My NSU sweatshirt has faded letters. He wore it a lot and the old facility didn’t take pride in washing but… I can’t blame them. I use to take his clothes home weekly and wash them but it got to be too much.

I did something for me that they told me to do yesterday. I purchased plants. I have no idea what I purchased except for the elephant ear, but the other two seemed easy to care for and they caught my attention. They look really great where I placed them. They fit well here. It must be a subconscious reason I elected to get plants this week versus flowers. I typically get flowers once a month….

His aide and I agree we smell the scent of death. Honestly, I never knew what it smelled like before but it has been lingering. This morning and last night when I gave him a bed bath, I washed him in lavender oil. I smell that mostly now. How eyes are flickering. His body is getting a bit colder because last night he was so warm, I left a wet cloth on his forehead. When I got up it was dry. He was hot. He has had morphine every two hours… the rattling seems so loud. He has stopped breathing for more than 45 seconds… but he is holding on…

I’m thankful. I told him although I’m wearing his NSU sweatshirt, I’ll be an Aggie until I die… “Aggie Born, Aggie Bred…”

I pray for peace for him, but I think he is holding on to hear the chaos of this little girl… “daddy, what are we going to do with her?”