This Thing Called Life by Ki O’Shea

My therapist told me today how peaceful I’ve been looking. Y’all, I must admit that nothing can take away my peace after all that I’ve encountered over the last few years. Sedi is almost 3 and as I prayed the other night, I was reminded of why God gave her to me.

I’ve had several interesting encounters over the last few weeks and as I smile recalling them, I am reminded about the importance of allowing God to be at the center of my life.

I scrolled through pictures the other night. I have been going to bed at a reasonable time, but I was up late this evening reading. Once I closed my book, I took my phone out to make sure the alarm was on, but I took time to go through my photos again. Sedinam and I frequent the zoo pretty often and as I revisited those photos, I began shedding tears. As my doctor stated the other day, there is only a supernatural power over me to allow me to handle everything that I’ve encountered. My therapist always asks, “what keeps you motivated?” Life. Regardless of what happens, life is a beautiful thing and I’m finally accepting it more and more.

I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed until I realized my situation cannot beat me down. It doesn’t define me. And social media must read my mind or obviously note the algorithms. My friends send me videos of DBDs and social media highlights many of them for me and I find myself laughing so hard and loud. Those or rather that experience reminded me to never log back on to a dating app, always go with your gut, and a reminder that the devil will always be busy.

Those special encounters that I’ve had will be a constant reminder of just how full circle life is. There were certain parts of my life that I could never visualize or rather just didn’t want to try to visualize. I felt a bit discouraged and y’all, as I shared with opposing attorney, yall have succeeded at exhausting me. A sister is tired! Whatever they want, at this point does it even matter?

I watched “A Marriage Story” this weekend and what I took from this was unethical practices of family attorneys and how they will push you to become broke versus centering on the needs of the child. It saddens me. It’s heartbreaking. But, it’s life…

What motivates me is knowing that embarrassment doesn’t last. Pain and hurt does not last. A broken heart will always be mended. And as Anthony told me early on, being a single mom is not bad. How many of us do we know? And the most important thing is I get to always go back to my photos to see those photos that melt my heart. I get to dance with her daily. I get to watch her wake up smiling. I get to see her make progress, while also fighting like hell to beat the odds.

What motivates me is being able to be a role model to both my babies and allowing them to see just how hard I advocate and work for them. They get to see me in my natural state. And as that encounter reminded me, “you are not just humble Ki, but you are a good person.”

Good things always happen to good people…