This Thing Called Life by Ki O’Shea

Today I took the day to self care. Well, that was after Sedi’s doctor appointment and going to see my dad. Oh, and after the phone calls I needed to make to ensure she received all of her monthly supplies.. oh and after the call from DMV to update me on my dads handicap placard.. oh and after a few emails to students… but I did self care.

I have always gone to the dentist twice a year. I’m a year and four months behind on my dental appointments. I scheduled it today, but after this mornings appointment with Sedinam, watching the funeral with Al Sharpton speaking, I couldn’t do one more thing that required me to be strong.

I went to get a massage. I have so many on my account but considering I have three full time jobs, I haven’t had the time. I stopped today and rescheduled the dentist appointment and went to get my massage AND I stopped to get Japanese. Well, the restaurant was closed, so I settled on a pub next door and I took the time to eat AND I even had a drink. I remember years ago, my cousin said if I ever went to the bar get an apple martini. Well, I get them, but since I’m not a drinker, I got the drink but left most of it.. yeah waste of money …

As I took time for just me today I realized something…

I will never neglect myself. If we don’t take care of ourselves, who will?

I listened to an old college classmate share their story about their baby daddy. She would have never imagined the crap she has dealt with and sadly I could relate. She asked, “but why, Ki?” Girl, if I only knew. She birthed a beautiful baby recently and what is so Godly about this is she was told years ago she could not have kids. We are in our 40’s. While no one ever wants to be a single parent or have a dead beat parent, I shared with her my way of looking at things: “I get to see my baby girl blossom and whether she sees her dad is completely on him.” I have a great dad. As you know, I take care of him and he is currently in an Alzheimer’s facility. He showed me what a man should do for their daughter. My cousin actually said she use to cry when I would visit him because she wanted a dad like mine.

Lucky for me, my son gives Sedi so much love so she sees and will always know how a man is supposed to treat her.

I advised her to take time to heal and forgive herself if she felt she needed to, but don’t give any attention to her dad. That’s something I don’t do. I don’t get mad, I don’t get irritated, I don’t argue, and even with all of the court fees I’m paying, I just think; it’s coming out of her child support and God has allowed me to remain calm. And when I think of the latter, I think seriously, if someone wants to invest in legal fees and avoid taking care of their child, they have to live with it. And if there are attorneys that will represent such people, they are smart as heck! They are getting money, they are listening knowing the outcome and they are not losing anything at all. Y’all know attorneys sleep with each other, right? They file motions because they know they will get paid regardless of the outcome and if they are advocating for you, and you are paying them, what do they have to lose? Now, there is ethical issues I believe are crossed and annoy me about these types of attorneys, but the big picture; they are smart enough to take the money of fools…

So as I shared with her and I’ve shared with two mentees, keep your peace. Don’t argue and self care. Go get your hair and nails and eyebrows done. Take long baths when you have a sitter. Whatever makes you feel good, but it’s not your job to make peace with people who are only about self.

When I look at Sedi , I get so tickled. I don’t wish her dad was there because I have so many that I get to send photos and videos to who sincerely care about her. I brag about her all of the time and her weekly progress is just amazing. I spend her child support and my money (because trust me the child support does not take care of all that she requires ) on items that help her. Since she cannot go to daycare and probably will not for her entire toddler “life” she has her own daycare. She has her own therapists. I update her items and I take the time to spend time with her. Every morning we have a routine. Daily she is loved on and then mommy takes time to work on me!

I can’t give her nothing if I’m not ok.

Love self and don’t be scared to self care…