This Thing Called Life by Ki O’Shea

Sedi Girl, my Sedi Bedi Edi, Girlfriend, Bad Girl,

We are less than month from your birthday. I have a two year old almost and I’m so happy I took the time to embrace your journey. I did my best to savor every moment; particularly after I realized I needed to divert my focus. We all face challenges, but I’ve also had to stop diminishing what we have been through; all of “extra” things that have been placed on you, Anthony, and I.

Our Des told me a few months back, that obviously God knows I can handle having kids with special medical needs. This does not mean I need to go to medical school, but to remember this. Anthony is such a super big brother that he never misses a beat with ordering his supplies, making his doctor appointments, while also ensuring he helps me with you.

He is super amazing! He does what grown men, parents could never (or rather will never do). We all are determined to beat the odds. The odds of not just having a 13 ounce daughter; sister, but to see her flourish and beat the odds that many micro-premies do not beat. Last night as I prepared for your night feed, with you on my hip, I laughed at a suggestion that Desmond made. You should record yourself so it can be seen what you do daily. And at that point flashbacks of all that we have been through played in my mind. I caught a red eye, ensured Anthony, therapists, and I managed to keep Sedinam on her schedule for a dumb trial. I look at the wasted time from Sedinam, the wasted money, and the waste of words. The attorney that day advocated for things and obviously had no clue what was going on. Would this be an example of misrepresentation? The fact that ANY person in their right mind can understand that a 13 ounce baby is not OK! The fact that one would argue and drag a human being; a woman to court after the trauma of having a 13 ounce baby amongst other things just to collect a paycheck and harass her as a pro se. This sickens me because so many women who go through post -partum would not be able to handle such.

But this is the determination and resilience that God has prepared me for. A good friend/sistah told me Sunday to dig deep. It will be over before you know it and if they continue dragging it out, God has given you the tools you need to be strong. We used the analogy of that half marathon we both have run before. Mile nine was the hardest, but we couldn’t stop or turn back because we were so close to the end. I thought I could not make it, but then I did.

I’ve never been one of those competitive people. I don’t desire to compete with people. I don’t desire to harm people, but instead I’m that person that will run back to help (as a matter of fact my battle Buddy from AIT always shares this story on Veterans Day). After I finished my race, I went back to motivate and push others. I ran my own race and was determined to finish for me not anyone else.

God has a funny way of showing us what we need to work on within ourselves. Not only do I need to continue focusing on my race, but this season is not about me going back to help or compromise with anyone. And I’m determined to accept this.

Sedinam has been out of the hospital since August 12th. I’ve done this along with take care of my dad with the help of my 20 year old. It’s not but so much I can expect of him. He is at the prime of his life, but he always steps up yo do whatever with no complaints.

I feel sorry for all parties that don’t see or even care about the entire purpose of litigation. A true story, I was harassed and sent a message (I’m summing it up) that said I hung up because Sedinam was sleep and it was unfair that I hung up the zoom session because they could have watched her sleep and they really wanted to see her. They also wanted to see her particular times during the year and I have not opposed. Give me dates. I’m still waiting. Well, sessions are recorded on both ends and I’m assuming it was no longer important to watch her sleep. The determination to taunt people, harass, and exhaust a person will be outweighed by the good of God.

If I recorded all that I have gone through, seriously a movie could be made just over the last year. Title: “Don’t Fight It, Allow All to Be Exposed.” Its kind of like all of those in the limelight now that were determined to deceit, it all came to light and those that were afraid to expose them can now feel at peace knowing that no one is too big to come tumbling down.

Be determined to do great! It will always be rewarded even when it’s exhausting….

Determination is watching Sedi push herself daily to be the best big girl she can be!

A word to mothers who are exhausted, being taken through a legal system and are just overwhelmed, trust that all will be ok! NO one can ruin your character or take away all that you do daily and all that you will continue to do after they tire and get bored…. And eventually will end because it’s no longer beneficial to them. Don’t ever let anyone take advantage of you!!