This Thing Called Life by Ki O’Shea

About one week ago, I received a text asking if I would call a college classmate to share my story about Sedinam. This particular person that texted me has a similar story. I contemplated responding in the affirmative for a few seconds. I responded asking for the person’s phone number. I spoke with the husband/wife duo and for about an hour I answered questions and I ended with some pretty hard words. I told the husband he needed to get his “ish” together and he agreed. He took the phone in the bathroom and we talked about twenty minutes longer. At this point his wife is in the hospital and just like that, memories flooded about what happened two years ago. He asked me something that I have heard before, “Ki, why are you single?” How in the heck does this even fit any of the conversation, right? Like, why in the world does he ask me this after I fussed at him to get himself together for his wife? Better yet, why does he even care?

He continued by sharing the story of another classmate who I was close with at one point. He kept saying, “no one ever has anything to say bad about you.” “Your exes love you…especially…” he inserts the guys name and I just smiled. He said, it’s the same with Mike. “I use to love ya’ll together…” amongst a few other things. I know all of this to be true. He said, you have always been so “cool.” I get that a lot. “You were never any drama. You braided hair. You played video games. You were very honest about what you wanted…” and that I was.

This morning, I took about thirty minutes to just run a bath and sit in the water. I prayed like I use to taking baths. I asked God for things and I thanked him for the many things he continues to provide me. One of those things is my overall health. I smiled a lot as I reflected. I completed two academic years of a PhD program. My baby girl is walking! Two years ago I was not even able to hold her and could only touch her through an incubator with gloves. No one knew if she was going to survive. I was fresh out of the hospital again two years ago. I was trying to sneak out of the door to drive myself to the NICU, but Anthony took my keys daily and drove me there and picked me up until I was healthy enough to drive. Two years ago, he moved me from my one bedroom apartment to a two bedroom with very little help. Two years ago he was about to graduate from high school, but he was in Nashville, TN caring for his mom. God set this up. He graduated a semester early from high school and instead of being able to do what he wanted, he was taking care of me.

I thanked him for providing me with everything I have ever asked for. I am not a materialistic person, but I did ask for a particular vehicle. It’s paid off. I purchased it in full thanks to him. I asked for debt to disappear and he did that for me too. I asked for him help heal my heart from the hate that I felt at one point, and he did that. This mornings bath aligned with my pastors final words from his sermon today.

I cried tears of joy! I daydreamed while in the bath and just praised him for allowing me to see such things. I saw myself finishing this program. I saw Sedinam and Anthony in front of me as I defended. I watched Anthony graduate from college. I watched Sedinam walk through her kindergarten class. I watched her run to him and I watched him pick her up and give her big kisses. I watched her laugh. I watched us eat dinner together. I saw us on vacations, I saw us with friends and those that are our families. I saw both Sedinam and Anthony continue to beat the odds. I saw the strength that I thought I lost emerge. I understand why he moved me so many times. I understand why I must sit in solitude and I understand even more why he blessed me with both Anthony and Sedinam.

Our journeys are not for us. That call that I made was because of HIM. Just so you know, the baby is still hanging! They have more time, but not only is wife resting, but dad is putting in things to get his “ish” together. And as I think of “why am I single?” It is because I will not settle. I am single because I have focused on loving me more. I am single because I am showing both Sedinam and Anthony to value themselves and their worth. I have promised myself that the energy and time I have given others, I don’t have the energy to do that anymore. My visions during my daydream centered on my family; Anthony, Sedi, and I. It centered on my happiness because over time, I placed others before me. I forgave too much. I listened too much. I shared too much. I hoped for more others too much. I accommodated too much! I tried to fit people in my life too much and at this stage, the response would be, I am single because I am happy and this time around, I will not let anyone steal my happiness.

#BeHappy #EmbraceAllofIT #SingleISGREAT #MommyAndHerTwoKiddos